When I first came to Phoenix, I had not worked in 7 or 8 years. I felt like I didn't remember how to do anything that someone would pay me for.
I took a small telemarketing job that was very easy. It paid $5 an hour - 6 hours a day - 6 days a week. No benefits, no vacation, no sick time. Come in and answer the phone, read the script from the wall and then take the next call. Even I could do that. And I did. One thing that worked for me was to just show up. If I was there, I could do that one simple thing.
It was hard to do that at first. I had the fear that I was not going to be able to perform the simple things asked of me, so I attempted to sabotage my effort and just not go to work. Luckily I lived with my sister and her child. I got into a routine every day that included going to work - she drove me and it was very hard to come up with a reason to stay home. Here she was, 15 years younger than I, working nights and supporting herself, her child, our aunt and me. The least I could do was go to my little job.
That paid off. Going to work every day gave me a sense of accomplishment and that simple job soon gave way to more complex tasks. In a matter of less than 2 years, I was the general manager of the whole dang thing.
That was 12 years ago and now I have an amazing job. I work for a company that rewards effort. I do something that makes me feel that I am making a difference in people's lives. And I get paid a good wage for what I do. What more could you want from a job?
I have a new guy working with me on my project and I am so pleased that he is learning quickly. He's dependable and thorough. This means that soon (6 months or so) I may be able to turn the whole project over to him and move on to something new and exciting.
The idea of working on a different project is scary for me. The insecurity of not being sure that I can learn a new skill quickly enough to be good at what I do, sometimes almost cripples me. I try to trust that the man I work for knows more than I do about my ability to learn and grow. I am still afraid of failure, especially public failure.
But I show up. And that works for now.....